A Meeting To Decide The Cool Things
Hello and welcome everyone. I hereby call this meeting to order. But in a cool way. Motion to begin deciding what is cool and what isn’t?
I cowabunga that motion.
Excellent, let’s proceed. How do we feel about sunglasses?
Very cool. Put them on anything and that thing becomes much cooler. Including dogs. Especially dogs, actually.
Great start here. Ace, are you writing this down? Wonderful. Who else has a suggestion? Knuckles?
Being a DJ.
Ah yes. Of course.
Popping wheelies!
Great suggestion Gator, yes. Very cool. Bonus points if you’re doing it WHILE wearing sunglasses. Um, yes you in the back.
I’m sorry, where’s the meeting to decide what we hate?
Next door. There’s a lot more people over there. Okay, now where were we? Elektra?
Roller Coasters?
Cool.
Bragging about how much money you make?
Not cool.
Motorcycles?
Cool.
Surfing?
Very cool.
The staggering beauty of nature, like bioluminescent beaches, the omniscient views from a mountain’s peak or the infinite star-filled sky?
THE COOLEST. Also, who let the poets in?
We snuck in the back.
Fair enough. Yes, Bones, do you have a suggestion?
Taking advantage of the elderly?
Extremely uncool.
Tattoos!
Cool, but only if they’re skulls or snakes.
Pizza?
Yes! This has been the stock ‘cool food’ for decades now and it’s not going anywhere any time soon. Extra clout if you can spin the box on your finger like a basketball. Yes, Blade?
Crocs?
The animals? Yes. The shoes? No.
Even if everyone is wearing them?
Popular and cool are different. There’s often overlap. Not in this case though. Great question. Yes, Laser Wolf?
Isn’t being cool is more a state of mind and a quiet confidence rather than following a specific dogma? One might argue that the very nature of declaring something “cool” immediately nullifies its coolness. I submit that ‘not caring about what anyone else thinks of you’ is the magic bullet that is truly the coolest of all.
Aha! It seems you have discovered the ultimate paradox. We have decreed a list of things as cool and, as you know, our authority is final. BUT ignoring lists and doing your own thing regardless of what anyone tells you is actually the coolest, you’re correct.
Don’t tell too many people though. If this secret gets out, we’ll lose our research grant money.
Ok! I think we covered a lot of good ground today. Everyone please stand up and form a high-five tunnel.
Meeting adjourned.
YOU'RE cool!
Cool. 😎